dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
