i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
