Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
