I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
