Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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