I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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