A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
BRING THE BAGELS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
