what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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