Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How naked do you want me to be?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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