I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize
