I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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