Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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