Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
