She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
