dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
