when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
