i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
