I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
