new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
