I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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