You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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