HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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