Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
