she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize