My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
