Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
