Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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