btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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