you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
