i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
