dude i'm inner monologue high
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
