Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
