I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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