you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
