I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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