So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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