You can't special order awesome
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
