please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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