I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
