I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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