She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
