From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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