went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
