youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
