Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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