does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize