MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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