Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
