is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
