dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
