we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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