I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
