Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
