She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i need some magic done to my vagina
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize