Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
