started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
