Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
