he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
