y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
