I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
