oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
