just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
