I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
