I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
