New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
