I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
