I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I look better un-naked...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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