I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
