Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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