never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
