I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
