i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
