There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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