you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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