You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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