He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
