Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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