Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How external is "for external use only"?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
