Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
